


Slings and Arrows

by jdale



Series: Rent Asunder [2]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Beer, Broken Friendships, Drinking to Cope, F/M, Flashbacks, Grief/Mourning, John Sheppard Leaves Atlantis, Middle Finger, Sad Ending, Self-Doubt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-28
Updated: 2019-10-28
Packaged: 2021-01-05 17:44:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21212579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jdale/pseuds/jdale
Summary: There was nothing left for him in Atlantis.





	Slings and Arrows

**Author's Note:**

> The sequel to “Conscience Doth Make Cowards of Us All.” This will make very little sense to you unless you’ve read that one first.

John must’ve checked half the bars in Colorado Springs before he found the man he was looking for.

“Whatever’s on tap,” he told the bartender, taking the seat next to Radek.

Once the bartender was out of earshot, Radek asked, “I suppose you came here to talk to me?”

“You did the right thing on the Replicator planet,” John told him.

Radek snorted. “Try telling that to Rodney.”

“I did, remember?”

* * *

_John lingered at Elizabeth’s gravesite long after the service had ended. The days since Elizabeth’s death felt like they had been a waking nightmare. Lorne had wound up being the one to fly the city to its new planet because he simply couldn’t muster the concentration to operate the control chair. Hell, he’d barely managed to fly the Jumper back to Atlantis from the Replicator homeworld._

_When he finally turned to start heading back to the car the Air Force had provided them, he found McKay blocking his path. As he had in the infirmary on Atlantis, the scientist reared back and aimed a punch at John’s nose. This time, John made no attempt to dodge._

_“You _murdered_ her!” McKay accused._

_“I ordered the kill switch activated to prevent the Replicators from tracking her nanites back to Atlantis’ position,” John replied evenly._

_“The Replicators didn’t even detect her linking with their database!” McKay shouted. “You could’ve brought her back to Atlantis and put her in the stasis chamber until we found a long-term solution! I could’ve saved her!”_

_John’s reply was automatic, unthinking, even though in truth, the possibility had never occurred to him. “It would have been too risky.”_

_Something in McKay’s facial expression changed. “That’s why you left me behind, isn’t it? You wanted to spite me for reactivating her nanites in the first place by killing her without even giving me a chance to say goodbye!”_

_“I left you behind because I couldn’t trust that you would activate the kill switch in a timely manner if it became necessary to do so,” John explained._

_“And you weren’t even _man_ enough to tell me yourself!” McKay yelled. “You sent Elizabeth to tell me and then claim it was her idea so I’d get mad at her about it, not knowing I would never get the chance to reconcile! Because of you, I have to live the rest of my life knowing one of the only friends I ever had died angry at me!”_

_McKay fired another punch before storming off, reaching one arm behind him and flipping John the middle finger as he did so._

* * *

“At least you did not have to be in the same car with him on the ride back to the SGC,” Radek commented.

The bartender returned with John’s beer. He picked it up and took a long swig.

“I saw you talking with Elizabeth’s mother at the funeral,” Radek said. “How is she taking it?”

“Better than any of us,” John answered.

* * *

_“I know much of what Elizabeth was involved in was classified,” Katherine Weir began, “but is there anything more you can tell me about how she died?”_

_“She and two others were captured by enemy forces,” John replied. “They gave her truth serum to try and get her to tell them whether there were any more Americans in the area. When she wouldn’t answer their questions, they gave her more truth serum. Eventually, they pumped her so full of truth serum that her heart gave out.”_

_“Were there other Americans in the area?” Katherine asked._

_John nodded. “She probably saved their lives by successfully resisting the truth serum. At a minimum, she saved the lives of the two others who were captured. A special forces unit was able to locate the enemy encampment and mount a rescue. Had the enemy forces been able to get the information they wanted out of her, they probably would have executed all three captives before the special forces unit could arrive.”_

_Katherine smiled sadly. “Well, at least her death had some meaning. Thank you for telling me what you could.”_

_“Glad I could help,” John responded, although the words seemed empty to him._

* * *

“That’s a nice cover story they came up with,” Radek remarked. “I’d actually rather that have been what happened than the truth.”

“Yeah,” John agreed. “So would I.”

“I can’t help but wonder if any of what Rodney said was true,” Radek admitted. “Could we have put her in stasis and continued to work on a solution?”

John shook his head. “What if the Replicators had managed to take her over before we could get her into stasis? We’d have led them right to our doorstep.”

Radek sighed, downing about a quarter of his own beer in one go. “I know that, but…killing another human being, especially one I would like to think was a friend, when she posed no active threat to us…I understand intellectually why it had to be done, but…it will never _feel_ like the right decision.”

John nodded in agreement. “Just remember: this way, she died at peace and she got a proper burial. If she’d been taken over by the Replicators because we tried too hard to save her, she’d have spent her last moments as a passenger in her own body as tiny robots forced her to take up arms against her friends, and we might not have been able to bring her body home for fear of her nanites infecting someone else.”

Radek finished his beer and got up to leave. “I will see you in the morning?”

John shook his head silently.

Radek looked at him in surprise. “You are not coming back to Atlantis with us?”

John shook his head again. “Atlantis needs McKay more than it needs me, and after everything that’s happened, there’s no way we’d be able to work together anymore. Besides, with Colonel Carter taking over for Elizabeth, there’s no longer any need for a military commander separate from the overall expedition leader.”

He carefully avoided telling Radek the real reason he wasn’t going back: with Elizabeth gone, there was nothing left for him there. The constant reminders would be too painful.

“Will you still be part of the Stargate program?” Radek asked.

“I’ll be a test pilot at Area 51,” John replied, “and if Earth comes under imminent threat of alien attack, they’ll fly me down to Antarctica to operate the control chair there.”

“Well, then I guess I will see you again sooner or later,” Radek told him.

“Yeah, see you around,” John agreed. “And Radek? Don’t let McKay push you around.”

“I will do my best,” Radek assured him.

John watched Radek exit the bar, then sat back down and took another long drink in mournful remembrance of the woman who would forever hold his heart.


End file.
